5 Worst And Best Effects Of Divorce On Children

 I am a child of divorced parents.

Not only have my parents been divorced since right after I graduated high school but they have divorced two times before that, remarried each time, and left one another numerous times in between. It was crazy.

Most children experience their parents divorce, the parents stay divorced, and then eventually remarry to other people which causes the child to have step family members.

Divorce is confusing, a struggle for the children, and a complete mess. I don’t care who you are, divorce sucks.

There are some good and bads that can come from divorced parents. I am going to lean on there being more bad but that depends on the child and the parents. My experience with it is more bad than good, however at my age now I can understand and respect my parents decisions. Did they handle each one well? Um, no, but that doesn’t mean every mom and dad will.

Lets do the bad first, okay?

5 Worst Effects of Divorce on Children

  1. The child (children) see less of at least one parent. Someone has to be the one to provide the home, the food, clean laundry, and make sure the homework is done. Most of the time it is the mom but sometimes it happens to fall to the dad. But at least one parent gets to see their children less.
  2. The child (children) might fear love or marriage itself. I remember telling my high school best friend that I didn’t believe in love or marriage and that neither were for me… Annnnnnd I got married at twenty. But hey I am still happily married.
  3. The fighting doesn’t stop. Some children may experience their parents continue to fight even after the divorce and dust has settled. My parents stopped, for the most part. The house became quiet and it was kind of nice. No more walking on eggshells (not literally).
  4. Some children may believe that the divorce was caused because of them. At no point should any child feel like this. If mom and dad are going their separate ways then they should make sure that the kid knows it wasn’t their fault. Mom and dad have some issues that they can’t get past/we hate each other/dad or mom is a jerk (don’t use this one)/or just deciding that staying married isn’t in the best interests of either party. Be honest with your children. Talk to them.
  5. Children can become traumatized from the divorce. I have no idea if I was traumatized or maybe still am, who knows? I know that every time it happened it felt like the first time. Confusing, sad, difficult. Parents are supposed to be together forever, right?
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There is no reason for this picture… Except that it has a cupcake on it.

 

5 Best Effects of Divorce on Children (this is a thing, right?)

  1. The fighting stops. This is what happened with my parents. The daily arguing ended and there were peaceful dinners with casual conversation rather than listening to an argument in the other room. I was just a kid each time or eventually had a job, so the quiet dinners were only something I enjoyed as a kid.
  2. The child (children) may get the opportunity to become closer to mom or dad. After my father left when I was sixteen I grew to really like my mom. I went through the whole disliking my parents thing but after seeing her after he left… I don’t know. I just liked her more after that. I can thank those couple of years for the relationship I have with her now. (If you read this mom, I love you).
  3. Some children may become more empathetic, knowledgeable, gain Emotional Intelligence, become independent, or become a higher achiever. It may be that some kids are more prone to these already. Who knows if divorce is the cause. I became most of these but it could have been my temperament from the very beginning. This article discusses how some kids may benefit from divorce, Benefits of Being a Child of Divorce.
  4. The child (children) may learn that it is OKAY to leave someone you’re not happy with or causes you harm. By doing this you could be instilling confidence in your child (children). Instead of thinking they have to stick with a relationship, even if it is making them unhappy, they can leave with a happy heart and clear mind.
  5. For the children who grew up or are in a house with an abusive parent or are not able to live a childhood correctly due to their home life, divorce is a great answer. Some get to escape that life through divorce or separation at the very least. I am fortunate enough to not have dealt with that but others are not as fortunate as I have been.

Nothing about divorce is cut and dry, there will always be complications, sadness, and tears when it comes to divorce. Sometimes it is for the best (especially if mom and dad handle it correctly) but often times it is a struggle.

Parents should take the time to go through this article to see how they can be of more help to their children through the transition of having parents together and then not.

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The Married Life

Marriage is like participating in a wild game of middle school dodgeball.

For those of you who are married or have been married for some time will understand my reference.

Picture an intense game of dodgeball.

You may be asking yourself, “Why dodgeball?” or “What would you dodge in marriage?”

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It isn’t all Disney fairytales people… more like the Grimm fairytales.

In the past year I have seen several of my friends and acquaintances go through either a separation (which ended in divorce) or divorce.

I know, I know you are thinking about that stupid statistic that says that basically half of the people who get married are going to get divorced. Don’t be a statistic.

Do you know how many of those friends and acquaintances went to marriage counseling (counseling in general) or did counseling before tying the knot?

None.

Why would you agree to a commitment (cuz that is what marriage is ladies and gentleman) and not go to some form of counseling?

Moving on.

I recently read a blog by Gamer’s Wifey (read it here)  and it was over marriage and gaming… She states that her research came back that there were 3 million Google hits for “video games and divorce.” And that’s just the nerds.

So what about everyone else?

The world, life, society, etc. wants to see us fail. Plain and simple. We get jealous of what other’s have and we WANT it. (Gollum and The One Ring, anyone?).

Over the years of my relationship, and marriage to my husband, we have heard countless times, “We really look up to you guys” or “You guys are an inspiration for our relationship (marriage).”

Do you think I am a witch and performed some kind of magical spell? (Only in my Dungeons and Dragons world). Or do you think that our life together is all Unicorns and fairy dust? Just because I don’t post, “Shelby is the biggest butt-face in the whole world” all over Facebook doesn’t mean that we don’t argue or fight. What couple DOESN’T argue or fight?

The point is, is that no one is perfect. Don’t envy someone for what they have because it is what you want. Go out there and BE the person you want to find. Being in a relationship or being married is like dodgeball because everyone is throwing stuff at you all the time, trying to knock you out of the game. Don’t let them.

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Don’t let other’s discourage you from being happy.

And if you can’t find out what is wrong then please seek some counseling.

Find a minister or pastor or whatever if you are religious or go see someone with a degree in Psychology and Counseling. Just go do SOMETHING.

ANYTHING is worth more than throwing it all away.