Or is it Dungeons and Dragons?
I know this topic did not make it to my prior list, but I don’t feel like writing about those things and I need to keep up with my promise that I already broke. Don’t get mad, I get distracted easily.
Now, wanna talk about some nerdy stuff? Me too.
I figure a post like this is welcome amidst all the political hate that is showing up all over social media. That’s the last you’ll hear about anything political from me until at least next month. Eh, wait…
Anyway, Dragons and Dungeons.
It has been well over a year from the moment that I first stepped foot into my first session/campaign of D&D. It has been over a year since we decided to form a group and really put our nerd hats on.
My husband touched on the touchy subject not too long ago, you can read it here, on our unfortunate circumstances that have befallen our group.
Let me be honest, sometimes I am not the easiest person to get along with. Now, that’s not to say that I am incapable of getting along with people, I just have loud opinions that people don’t like to hear. I am what you call a devil’s advocate and from what I understand, no one likes that person. Oh well, go cry in the corner.
So, our group has taken a turn for the worse. I saw it coming from a mile away, but it seems that others are a little surprised by its sudden decrease in fun-ness (not a word). I must admit that the decrease in the motivation I have to go every Sunday has been worsening bit-by-bit.
By saying that the group has taken a turn for the worse, what I mean is that we don’t get along anymore; if we ever really did. Our group consists of six people and the DM, which is a fairly large group of beginners. Three of the members have known each other for a long time (two are engaged, the other was a roommate of theirs) and so often it seems like whatever they want to do outweighs whatever the husband and I want to do. That’s only one of the issues. The roommate and I don’t get along the most out of the seven people who take up space in the small room that we play in. The issues comprise of things he has done and his inability to be an actual good teammate.
The main point is that a group that has been established for well over a year is deteriorating. You know all the stuff people say about relationships? Those apply to large groups as well. In the second week of my communication class that I mentioned before, we learned about group development. What I learned changed the way I see our weekly D&D group, so much so that it may not continue to be a group because we are lacking one vital piece of group development.
Allow me to explain what the stages are. 1) Forming (that’s where ya’ll meet and exchange names that you’ll forget in .25 seconds), 2) Storming (that’s where a lot of the conflict happens. Stuff like telling someone you think their idea is rubbish), 3) Norming (this is where the group is actually putting aside the conflict and getting down to business), 4) Performing (this is where the group actually completes their goal).
The alternative is what is called Group Think. It strays away from any type of conflict and takes the easiest path to get to the finished product. Basically, Group Think is for chickens with thin skin (unless it is baked chicken skin that is covered in garlic, then that is pretty tasty… I mean, what?).
Why did I just tell you something I learned in college? Because, we are a group and there is something we are missing.
We never stormed. We have never figured out how to handle conflict within our group, we do not handle the idea that someone else has a different opinion than our own. Yikes.
And this is why I don’t think I can continue. Not that I am incapable of forming a group and being part of a group, but because we can’t have conflict and resolve it. I am the devil’s advocate, remember? That means I am conflict 85% of the time. How can you have someone like me in your group without knowing how to solve conflict?
I’m not giving up, I am getting rid of something that adds an immeasurable amount of stress to my already stressed life.
What do you think? Am I being unreasonable? Do you agree with me? I’ll listen… Maybe.