Posted in Opinion, The Laughing Box, The Real Life

Life After College Graduation

Since graduating college, a total of two Saturday’s ago, I have managed to live a life so unlike the one I had known prior to graduation.

The above statement is exactly what brings me to write this post today, two weeks after walking across the stage and accepting my diploma holder (no diploma yet).

People have this strange perception of graduating college. We assume that graduating college means that we have the sufficient skills necessary to: 1) have an actual conversation with an actual adult that lasts longer than two minutes, 2) know how to fill out a job application, resume, and write a cover letter, 3) have the necessary knowledge on whatever it is we are applying for, and 4) make tons and tons of money..

e39This, my friends, is a load of bullshit.

This dream is one that has been established by Hollywood and our own delusions.

Since graduating college I have been working 40+ hours at my place of employment that I have had for two years, going to four different job interviews (this is exhausting by the way), and trying to figure out where the heck I am gonna be living when I do get a job.

Nothing glamorous and certainly not a dang vacation (though, if you would like to assist in the Steiner Vacation Fund, please feel free to do so).

What Life Is Really Like After Graduation

 

After graduation, you magically find yourself somehow making loads of money by working a job that you don’t actually have to do any work.

Actually, after graduation should be the time where your mommy and daddy stop wiping your wee butts and you have to start fending for yourself… by working.

*gasp*

College, and high school, manage to teach you how to find the square root of a pineapple that is being purchased by a narwhal (probably not your usual word problems, but you get the idea). However, neither make sure you know how to: file taxes (what the heck are those?), apply for a job (without making a fool of yourself), write a cover letter (without getting on your hands and knees to beg for the job), write a resume (grammatically correct), how to do any kind of banking business (without the bank teller looking at you like you’re the dumbest thing to walk through those doors), or how to pay on your student loans (I thought college was free?).

We are pushing children young adults out the doors of the high schools and colleges and saying, “Look! They’re fine specimens of our society. Now, go get you a job!” Yeah! Way to go learning institutions!

“Why don’t you just find a job?” is one of the biggest understatements of all time. Go get me a job, huh? Why don’t you bury your head in the sand like an ostrich? Jerk. It’s really not that easy to get a job. Have you tried? They want like 3-5 years of experience for anything that would be any better than flipping burgers at McDonald’s. How was I supposed to get those years of experience when: I have beencc9989f8a0185570e640fcd5e3cf81dcda59504ee877c6810a665d3ede89a97a in college, you won’t hire me without experience?

I have received many, many rejection emails in the past three months. Even from places that I thought I could stand a smidgen of a chance with my koalafications qualifications.

Life after graduation is not a rave party, isn’t one continuous vacation. You have to start being a grown-up at some point. Which makes me wonder when that moment will actually happen.

How To Be An Adult After Graduation

Start doing your own laundry.

I have no idea. How about if I let you know when I find out what the answer is? Yeah?
K, thanks.

Here’s a list of things not to do after graduation: Give up, do nothing, bum off your parents, not applying to any jobs, moan about how you don’t know what you wanna do, or eat Cheetos all day.

 

 

 

Advertisements

One thought on “Life After College Graduation

  1. The whole push to get kids to go to college is such a major racket. They expect people to know what they’re going to do for the rest of their lives at the age of 17/18, and that’s absolute bullshit. Some do, many don’t. There are 40 year olds still clueless about that, and as for student loans that makes me even angrier. You’re told, “Oh you have five years to have to start thinking about those.” Well a teenager doesn’t really have a good concept of how short a time five years really is. Psychologically, your brain doesn’t fully mature until around age 25. It’s why teenagers make poor decisions. They may have the knowledge, but they don’t have the experience or psychological capacity to fully understand consequences.

    Anyway, enough of my curmudgeon rambling. Congratulations on your graduation and good luck in your job search!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s